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Page 29
THURSDAY, AUGUST 4, 2016
The Rockaway Times
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HOME ALONE PART I
This past week Grace and
my youngest daughter Vic-
toria have been down in Vir-
ginia visiting with Grace's
sister, Maryellen. This
has left me at home with
my oldest daughter Amy,
who, being 21, only visits
the homestead sporadical-
ly when she is not work-
ing or hanging out with her
friends. Don't get me wrong,
I am not complaining. After
all, just like Amy, I was 21
years old once upon a time
in a galaxy very far away and
I recall that, just like her, I
was never home. Of course,
I was never home because I
was in the United States Ma-
rine Corps but that is a story
for another time. As Grace
and Vicky pulled away from
our house on West 12th
Road early Monday morn-
ing I slowly realized that
in a matter of minutes, just
like Macaulay Culkin in the
1990 film, I would be "home
alone" and free to undertake
whatever adventures I chose
unbridled by the shackles of
familial obligations.
Our goodbyes said, I
walked back inside the
house closing the front
door behind me and our
dog Zach strolled down the
stairs from the second floor
with a guilty look on his face
and his tail between his legs
and plopped his 70 pound
lab-mix carcass on the tiled
kitchen floor. Right then and
there I should have known
something was wrong but
all I could think about was
jumping back into bed and
sleeping until noon. I made
my way upstairs but as
soon as I entered the bed-
room I realized sleeping in
would not be an immedi-
ately available option as my
friend Zach apparently had
a bout of diarrhea and de-
posited a huge mess on the
bedroom's hardwood floor.
Thirty minutes later with
the bedroom floor com-
pletely cleaned, scrubbed
and sanitized I jumped into
bed and stretched out ful-
ly intending to head right
to the land of nod when I
spied the clock on the bed
stand which now read 6:25
a.m. I suddenly realized
that it was Monday, a work
day for the contractors rais-
ing the street on West 12th
Road and Victoria's car was
still parked in front of the
house and had to be moved
off the block by 7 a.m. I
quickly got dressed again
and went downstairs where
I ran into Amy who was on
her way to work. "Dad, it
looks like rain, do you think
you could drive me over to
Rockaway for work?"
No big deal I thought, I had
to move Vicky's car anyway
so I told her to hurry up and
meet me outside in the car.
After stopping at Al l Amer-
ican Bagel and Barista Co. ,
where I bought Amy break-
fast, I headed to the Cross
Bay Bridge where I real-
ized that Vicky's E-Z Pass
was nowhere to be found
in the car. Thirty minutes
and $8 in tol ls later I re-
turned to Broad Channel
where I final ly found a
space and parked on the
Cross Bay Boulevard medi-
an down by 16th Road and
limped home with my cane
arriving back at the house
around 7:45 a.m. where I
heard the phone ringing.
Thinking perhaps Grace
and Vicky had encountered
a problem en route to Vir-
ginia I quickly answered the
phone only to be greeted by
a recorded voice advising
me that if I or any member
of my household received
government
assistance
we qualified for a free cell
phone at taxpayer expense.
Somewhat
annoyed
but
happy in the knowledge that
my taxes are being put to
good use, I terminated the
call and was about to head
back upstairs, still intent on
catching a few more hours
of sleep, when "Nibby," one
of our four cats waltzed up
to me and began whining
to be fed. Then it dawned
on me, I still had four cats,
two turtles, a guinea pig, a
bearded dragon and a dog to
be fed and three litter box-
es to be cleaned. And that
my friends, is when things
started to really go down-
hill! Stay tuned.
Broad Channel, why would
anyone want to live any-
where else?