Man, these young people. What is wrong with them? Back in ancient times, we had fake draft cards and birth certificates. Kids now are trying to get fake AARP cards. They feel old and are going to retreats to deal with it.       

“What can death teach me about life?” and “What are the unexpected pleasures of aging?” Not surprisingly, these deep thoughts are not mine. They are actually sections in a bookshelf at a resort called the Modern Elder Academy.

I hate when you can’t tell if you’re having your leg pulled. Pause. What the hell does pulling a leg have to do with faking me out? But I digress.

The Modern Elder Academy, according to various press profiles, caters to the over-the-hill gang, mostly in the tech field. And over-the-hill

There’s no pleasing me. I’m glad we’re getting the extra hour of sunlight with Daylight Savings but losing an hour is kind of a steep price at my age.

Though some would tell me I’ve got the wrong outlook. Age is a mindset, they say. Kind of like back pain; it’s all in your head.

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go all jump-off-a-cliff like Lazer did in his column a couple of weeks back. No, quite the opposite.

I was listening to a couple of guys on some podcast and they made the case that you

You know I can’t resist dropping a proverb on you that was dropped on me: “If wars were fought with words, Ireland would rule the world.”

Of course, there are a couple of variations on what’s keeping Ireland from ruling the world but it’s hard to argue that it rules a good chunk of Rockaway this week, including this column. I’m guessing a lot of people who live in New Orleans hate Mardi Gras. They can do without the crowds and the madness. I’m guessing a few feel the same way about Parade Day

I dreamed and I was in a Netflix series, and was  being tortured. I was strapped in a chair, blindfolded, my face swollen already from the beatings. I wasn’t being brave. Even in my dreams, I make the Cowardly Lion seem like John Wayne.

With a gun at my head, they told me it was my last chance to identify the Kardashians.  Boom, I woke up dead.

In a second dream, I stepped out of character. They tried to force me to learn who each Kardashian was and who they date but, heroically, I died

A brother who will remain nameless was thankful I didn’t include Vikings on my list of favorite bingeable series. He couldn’t get past Gabriel Byrne’s hairpiece in Episode 1 and bailed.

A very un-Viking thing to do. I just took the hairpiece as another form of armor.

Vikings was actually recommended to me by the son who will remain nameless and because I was trying to stay on his good side, I stuck with it. And then got hooked. I’ve finished six seasons and can’t wait for more. 

The show is

It’s that time of year when you’ve had it, really had it. Rockaway is Siberia without the charm.

It’s Rocka-pocalypse Now. 

How grim is it?  Last week The Rockaway Times had bad news on the front page.

I started thinking about heading south but there were too many potholes and the bridge was backed up. And then in the middle of a protest over a proposed homeless shelter, I got a text from a  friend in Florida asking for Netflix recommendations. I said things must be pretty boring if you’re

I think a couple of dear friends were trying to torture me recently. 

Ya see, scratch-off lottery tickets are such a good idea to give to people. But if you are the recipient do not, do not, bother doing any scratching. You will lose and then end up annoyed that you’ve got nothing but lottery ticket dust. You’ll curse your lousy luck and then grumble about how hard the cards are to read or figure out. Wait, match what? What are those symbols? Is that a loaf of bread or a gold brick? I need how

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