You know, it’s all downhill after kindergarten or as I like to say, look at the bright side —there is none.

Have you seen Tiger King on Netflix? You can check out The Lazer’s column in this week’s paper, page 30, for a funny overview. Everybody thinks that woman killed her husband. There really is only one other option, he’s hiding from her.

While I was watching Tiger King and learning to knit and make moonshine, I got a delivery from Peapod, which is now impossible to book. Word on the street, wait, I can’t use that expression, word online is, some food places have stuff but everybody is trying to get things delivered.

I don’t know if that’s accurate. I have not been to the store. For one thing, I heard they’re asking for ID at Stop

Being stuck in the house provides me with ample opportunity to ponder those issues I would have otherwise never even thought about prior to this pandemic. For instance, I wonder how many divorce lawyers are salivating while waiting for their phone to ring as the number of days spouses are confined together keeps growing. Particular attention should be paid to those couples who now find it amusing to write, "REDRUM" on the bedroom wall while their partner is showering.

I also find that during

I’ve been blabbering about Two Bikes and A Ball, my recent bike-ride-basketball odyssey with Rick Horan, who can, uhm, ride a bike. The basketball part? Well, check out the video (Google: “Two Bikes and a Ball"—use the quotations). I’ve got to recommend watching the video and closing your eyes at the same time. If you peek, you’ll see what I mean.

I posted something online that got a good amount of attention, so I figured I’d put it in the paper for those of you who don’t “go on the

I’m not arguing, I’m simply explaining why I’m right. Now, see, there’s a thing I might wear on a t-shirt this weekend but, Holy St. Patrick, you won’t be catching me in anything that says, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish." The problem with that slogan, is some people do. God forbid.

You know I can’t resist dropping a proverb on you that was dropped on me:  “If wars were fought with words, Ireland would rule the world.”

Of course, there are a couple of variations on what’s keeping Ireland from ruling the

It usually takes about three minutes to read this column, now it takes an hour.   

We all want to fast-forward time and all that does, is make it stand still.

With too much time on my hands, I started reading the dictionary (yes, the picture next to the word “jerk” was me). In between learning new words, I’d put the dictionary in the refrigerator as a reminder there was something else to do besides masticate.

I said masticate.

Someone asked me if I’m stuck indoors these days and I replied

I woke up this morning with a five-finger imprint on my face. I’d slept on my hand, after spending the entire day before not trying to touch my face. Let’s face it, pardon the expression, it’s impossible.

I rub my chin to show others how thoughtful I am. It’s a fake out. I’m not thoughtful but a chin rub is a good stalling tactic. I read and daydream with the palm of my hand covering half my face. By noon, I’m sliding my hand all over my face to check on my 5 o’clock shadow.

I don’t know if

By Kevin Boyle

We rolled into Florida and froze our patooties off. After mid-70s, nice-as-can-be weather in Nowhere, Georgia, our blood must’ve thinned because we were not ready for 41 degrees and a frigid wind chill in the Sunshine State. Forty-one is harder in Florida than anywhere else. It makes you mad.

I’ve come all the way to Florida for this? I’ve just seen a hundred Waffle Houses, two thousand Publix, a Walgreens for every palm tree and the same Twilight Zone strip mall for the past

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