Recently I was laid up for quite some time due to an injury sustained when I almost broke my leg when it fell off the ironing board while I was attempting to iron my pants. My infirmity left me with little else to do other than spend hours online chuckling at the political fiction being passed off as actual news by the various media outlets where the truth goes to die. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying all politicians are liars. For example, take Marion Barry, the former Mayor of Washington D.C. — one of the most honest politicians I have ever seen who once said, “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” Alas, courageous (if somewhat unenlightened) honesty like Marion Barry’s is the exception rather than the rule.
Usually watching this political tripe only serves to bring about a mindset similar to a coma, but just recently I watched in awe as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a 29-year-old bartender from the Bronx who has been a member of Congress for two whole months, took control of an entire political party with her New Green Deal policy, which includes a 10-year commitment to convert 100 percent of the power demand in the United States to clean, renewable and zero-emission energy sources. And to upgrade all existing buildings to meet energy efficiency requirements, and to expand high-speed rail so broadly that most air travel would be rendered obsolete, ensure guaranteed employment for all, as well as a guaranteed salary for all those who are unable or unwilling to work.
Oh yeah, there is also a caveat recommending that the vast number of farting cows be dramatically reduced. Some bean counters worked out the cost of this New Green Deal as some $93 trillion over ten years. I then watched as a myriad of veteran elected leaders rushed to voice their support for this “udder” madness. I could only think of the words of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (aka Mark Twain) who once said, “Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.”
In light of the above “udder” madness, I am hereby announcing that I am officially throwing my hat into the political ring seeking election to the Office of the President of the United States in the 2020 election. Please be assured that my decision was not made without much serious research and reflection. For instance, I knew that I would need a catchy campaign slogan. Back in 1900, William McKinley went with “Let Well Enough Alone!” and in 1924 Calvin Coolidge espoused, “Keep Cool with Coolidge!” In 1928, Herbert Hoover went with “A Chicken in Every Pot and a Car in Every Garage!” Dwight Eisenhower went with “I like Ike!” back in 1952 and in 1976, Jimmy Carter decided that “Not Just Peanuts!” was a terrific way to describe his sought-after election.
In 2008, Barack Obama chose “Yes we Can!” as his campaign catchphrase, while Hillary Clinton went with “I’m with Her!” Of course, our present Commander in Chief coined the ultimate trigger slogan with “Make America Great Again!” replete with a red baseball cap. Realizing that as things stand right now, the electorate views late night comedians serious stewards of this nation and politicians as comedians.
Please understand, I am not very fond of political jokes, as I have seen too many of them get elected and this is exacerbated by the fact that one day, and for no particular reason, we all awoke to find that we had become a nation offended by everything. Thus, I finally decided to go with “Get Over Yourself and Vote for Pete!” as the campaign slogan for my new “Get Over Yourself Party.”
I am still working on my platform, which you will be reading about in the coming weeks, but I can state right now that if elected, one of my first acts in Office will be to sign a Presidential Decree placing all elected politicians, including myself, on minimum wage until such time as they all start acting like the real representatives of the people they are supposed to. You know, like adults and not clown university graduate students. I guarantee you this will light a fire under their officious elected butts and things will change real quick!
Stay tuned...this campaign is going to hit the ground stumbling and we will be taking no prisoners! (We don’t have anywhere to keep them anyway...)
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