Dear Enchantress…I moved to my new neighborhood three months ago. I want to be involved in the community, I have many interests and I see there is a lot going on. Everyone seems to know each other already. I don't know if it’s a problem of low self-esteem, which seems funny, I'm a grown woman. But my idea of going out has been grocery shopping and smiling at people, I feel friendly, but also needy. I've attended some town type meetings. I've seen other new people move in and overheard them introducing themselves, and boom they are involved and appreciated and have friends and community. I feel left in the dust.
Dear Left in the Dust,
As an extroverted introvert myself, it seems like I’m a really comfortable, outgoing person, but really I'm awkward and hiding most of the time. I understand you. It can be daunting to make new friends, you are not alone. It sounds like you are missing a need, which does create neediness. You’re normal, and human. See if you can find yourself “adorable” in your neediness. Next let's talk about how to meet your own need, so it doesn't get projected on to others. Having a strong feeling like "neediness" is a sure block and wedge to attempt something new, for fear of rejection.
There is vulnerability in being seen as the "new" person, in a sea of people that already know each other. I will share some ideas on actions to take, but first I recommend asking yourself: has this pattern or storyline happened before? Do you harbor any feelings of being "left out" in the past? Or "not seen?” Patterns will repeat themselves if they are not brought in to your awareness and worked with. How far back can you remember the feeling of "needing friends?" Taking on these questions will help you realize logically why you are in this predicament. Journals are always a great way to dig deep into life patterns:
Some actions you can take: 1. Find a gathering on meetup.com or Facebook groups. Make sure it's a gathering that leaves space for self-expression. Town hall or civic meetings are usually information-based and there may be issues that take the attendees away from joy. Pick gatherings of topics that you are genuinely interested in.
After you've chosen where you will go, these are steps to take to set yourself up for enchanted success: 2. Wear your favorite clothes. 3. Set your intention before you leave the house. Declare out loud something like: I am going to this gathering/meet-up with the intention to connect to people and make friends. 4. Get to the gathering early and settle in. 5. Introduce yourself to the person running the gathering, let them know the truth that you are new and your intention is to connect with people, decide if you want to be introduced that way. 6. Let go of expectations, it may take a couple of times of going to this gathering to connect. Knowing exactly what you want, and speaking your desire is a surefire way to set yourself up for success in anything! With a clear intention you will have clear attainment. HAVE FUN!
BLOG COMMENTS POWERED BY DISQUS