Too Nice Nancy


Too Nice Nancy

Dear Enchantress,


I am SO glad you exist. I wanted to write in with a question and have not been clear, BUT today I am. Last night, something happened while I was out in Rockaway and it happens often and I'm so sick of dealing with it the way I have been, so I'm writing you, and I think some women can also relate. I'm out with girlfriends, and some dude infiltrates. He's nice, so we don't shoo him away, and he buys us drinks and then attaches himself on to us. Here is my problem: I am so nice and friendly and start to feel bad for this guy, and then he becomes "my friend" and I feel responsible for him! Ugh, then he trails around me for the rest of the night. Why won't he see he is not wanted? Help. I'm too nice.


Dear Nice Nancy,


The beautiful thing is you care, you are loving and perhaps an empath? So, it's wonderful you’re friendly. And when you and all people really are having a good time, and you're open and available with a smile, eye contact or a welcoming grace, you are then available to "make a new friend."

Many people say don't accept the drink from someone, so you don't have to owe something. I say that is BS. If someone offers you a drink, it's ok to receive it, and be grateful and nice. At any point, you don't owe anyone anything ever. It's a tad rude to receive the drink, then completely walk off or ignore a person, but that one drink that costs $8 does not qualify a person to spend the whole night with you. 

The best tip ever: look him/her in the eyes and say "thank you" fully, with a genuine thank you that this person is offering you a drink. And it's also ok to say "no thank you." And if they push you to take a drink as some gentlemen do, DO NOT explain; repeat "no thank you."

I use to be a big drinker and now I'm not. It makes some folks uncomfortable to be around someone who doesn't drink, and that can cause some annoyance from either of you. You can always ask for water (a gal can't be too hydrated.) Again, receiving it with pleasure.

When it's time, you feel the leaching happening and you want your space back, it’s your strong communication, "thank you, it was nice meeting you, I'm going back to being with my friends right now" that will end the connection. There is no need to explain yourself (ever), smile and shake his hand, and repeat, "It was nice meeting you." If he responds again with some passive aggressiveness. Repeat the sentence, no more, no less.

Another tip, if being direct and clear is too confronting, only accept people into your space who you know, like and trust.

Happy Summer Goddess!  See you at Burlesque at the Castle!

Enchantress Shane guides women with confidence in their passion driven business, art, or creativity. For more info., go to: