Good and Hard!

By Sean McVeigh

Election Day always falling around Halloween feels like the perfect metaphor. It doesn’t get much spookier than this mayoral race.

I’m writing to you one week out from Election Day. On that day — and in the days leading up to it, thanks to early voting — New Yorkers will decide who the next mayor of New York City will be.

How the heck did we get here?

What are the actual requirements to run for mayor of this city? Should we make them stricter or looser? Honestly, I can’t tell anymore.

Every now and then, you’ll hear about a small town in Bumblehoot, Middle America, that elects Freddy the Golden Retriever as its mayor. The town has a population of 45, and Freddy rules them with an iron paw — fair but firm. Well, I think we’ve reached the point where I’d rather cast my vote for Freddy than for the three buffoons on next week’s ballot.

The sickening part of the joke is that this isn’t Bumblehoot. This is New York City — the greatest city in the world, last time I checked! A city of more than eight million people. That’s more than double the population of the next largest city in the U.S. Eight million people, and we’re down to these three. This is the best we could do? Pathetic.

In dark times such as these, I try to look on the bright side. For starters, this election has completely thrown the usual partisan playbook out the window.

We’ve seen Democrats throwing their weight behind an “Independent” candidate. We’ve heard the Democratic nominee, Mamdani, say that on his imaginary debate ballot, he’d list the Republican nominee, Sliwa, ahead of the former Democratic governor of New York. Meanwhile, Republicans are begging their own candidate to drop out to make way for Andrew Cuomo. Cats and dogs are living together — most likely at Curtis Sliwa’s house.

Ever the optimist, I’m already looking ahead to the next election. Maybe — just maybe — we’ll learn something from this mess. Maybe in four years we’ll have an election where it’s hard to decide who to vote for because there’s more than one good choice, not because we’re trying to pick which evil is lesser.

In 2021, about 1.15 million people voted in the New York City mayoral election. There were nearly 5 million registered voters. Back in 1965, 2.7 million people voted with only 3.3 million registered. Let’s see how this year shakes out.

Whoever wins this time, I plan on doing plenty of complaining. If it rains on July Fourth, you’ll hear me say, “Thanks a lot, Mr. Mayor.” And if the Jets draft another bust in 2026, that’ll be Hizzoner’s fault too. But the only reason I get to complain is because I’m going to vote on Tuesday. You want in on that, too? Go vote.

So, I ask again, how the heck did we get here?

Political satirist H.L. Mencken once said: “Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.”

No matter which way this election goes, New Yorkers are about to get it — good and hard.