Shy at Fifty

By Shane Kulman

Dear Enchantress,

I’m a 50-year-old woman who has been divorced for a few years now. I don’t have kids, and sometimes that makes me feel like I’m a little different from other people my age.

I want to start dating again, but I’m really shy. I get nervous even thinking about meeting someone new. My friends tell me to try dating apps, but they scare me. I don’t really understand how to use them, and I feel awkward making a profile and talking to strangers. What if I say the wrong thing? What if no one writes back?

I miss having a partner. I miss laughing with someone and feeling chosen. But I don’t know how to begin, and I feel embarrassed that this feels so hard at my age.

How do I put myself out there when I’m shy and afraid of dating apps?

Dear Shy at Fifty,

Let me say this softly but clearly: there is nothing embarrassing about wanting love. Not at 25, not at 50, not ever. The longing to laugh across a dinner table, to reach for someone’s hand, to feel chosen, that isn’t weakness. It’s proof your heart is still open. And that is beautiful.

Being shy is not a flaw. It means you feel deeply. You observe. You care. While the world often celebrates the loudest voice in the room, many people are drawn to the quiet glow instead of the spotlight. You don’t need to become someone louder or bolder to be lovable. You simply need to show up as you are.

When you worry about saying the wrong thing, try remembering that you are not auditioning for approval. You are offering your presence, your humor, your life experience. Dating isn’t a performance; it’s a conversation. The right person won’t be grading your lines. They’ll be noticing how they feel when they’re with you.

And those apps? They’re just tools. Not judgment chambers. Not stages. Think of them like a digital coffee shop where people are lingering, hoping to connect. You don’t have to master everything at once. One recent photo. A few honest sentences. That’s enough. You’re not stepping into a spotlight; you’re opening a small window. You can move slowly. You can log off. You are in control.

Please also release the idea that you are somehow behind. There is no universal clock for love. Being 50 and child-free does not make you less desirable; it makes you uniquely available for a partnership built on choice, not obligation. You know yourself now. You have stories, depth, resilience. That kind of self-awareness is quietly magnetic.

Start small. One message. One coffee. Let courage be gentle and steady instead of dramatic. You are not trying to impress the world. You are simply looking for one person who feels like home. And that kind of magic often begins with a very ordinary hello.

Sending you this with warmth and confidence in your quiet sparkle.

If you have a question about making your life more enchanting; write to The Enchantress at love@enchantedembodiment.com