A Different Kind of Movement

I’m not a big fan of protests. I’m also not a big crowd guy, either, but I don’t think that’s the root of my protest protestation. I honestly can’t even think of something that would rouse my inner demonstrator enough to get me to attend one. Maybe if The Harbor Light took the Chicken in a Basket off the menu — “Hey-hey, ho-ho, Chicken in a Basket cannot go!” But how long could I even keep that up before I broke the picket line and just ordered some chicken thumbits?
I would normally insert a little bit here about how I don’t mean to offend those who feel otherwise but I’m not going to do that today. Offense intended. Throughout history, there have been some iconic protests: The Boston Tea Party, Selma to Montgomery, The March on Washington — which, having blessed us with the “I Have a Dream” speech, alone could make my point moot. But since at least the 1980s, has any protest actually worked?
There are plenty of ways to get a message out to the public these days that don’t involve gathering with a big, cantankerous crowd. If anything, people are more inclined to oppose a cause after interacting with an unruly protest. Sure, some are “peaceful protests,” but even those can cause shutdowns or traffic in a city that has plenty of shutdowns and traffic to begin with. Protests, like beauty, are in the eye of the beholder.
This past week, there was a protest that was really full of s**t. The “Free to Pee” coalition, along with several members of the City Council, rallied outside of City Hall in support of two bills aimed at opening more bathrooms throughout the five boroughs to the public.
One of the bills would look long-term to add more public bathrooms throughout the city with an ultimate goal of one per every 2,000 people by 2035. That is a lofty goal, but, hey, has a politician ever gotten anywhere by making promises that can actually come to fruition? According to one council member, there is currently only one bathroom per about 7,500 people. Rounding down NYC’s population, that comes to 1,066 public bathrooms. This bill’s new goal would (again, rounding down NYC’s population) look to increase that to over 4,000. Good luck! Even if the city did find the space and time and money to make those new bathrooms, they would need a whole new municipal department to take care of them — New York’s Crappiest. I think a nice brown uniform will probably be a good idea for them.
The second bill would require certain municipal buildings to open their doors, and their bathrooms, to the public during regular business hours. People would then be able to come in off the street and make use of these bathrooms. You think the DMV is bad now? The councilmembers sponsoring this bill must not think their next election is going to go so well because there is no way a returning councilmember would subject themselves to this … crap!
The real question, the one that I assume is on everyone’s mind, the one that has not stopped nagging me since I first came across this story, is: How the heck does one come to be associated with something like the “Free to Pee” coalition? We’ve all been in a pinch in desperate need of a loo with no commode in sight. But once I am relieved and my brain is out of survival mode and back to functioning properly, I have never once thought to myself, “I need to join a bathroom advocacy group!” Perhaps someone heard the group deliver a very passionate “I Have a Stream” speech and couldn’t help but join the cause.
Maybe I am just jealous. Jealous that I do not care about something so passionately that I would go to stand on the steps of City Hall with a sign that says, “Number 1! Number 2! What do we have to do?”
Or maybe I just spend too much time reading about silly protests while sitting on the toilet.