Exhausted Ellen

By By Shane Kulman

Dear Enchantress, 

I am having a neighbor problem. It’s all about parking, and I have seen your post on your own parking problem, so it inspired me to ask you this question. I need help, my neighbors are so aggressive, and they are new to the block. They moved here six years ago. I grew up here and my family has lived here forever, they have all died or left, and they were much more outspoken than me. I tend to avoid problems and stay quiet. But now it’s disrupting my sleep.

My neighbors are loud and park their cars so that they take up extra spots for their guests. This only happens in the summer. They are friendly enough to me, they say good morning and “how are you?” But they block a ton of spots, and everyone yells at them. They don’t care; they are kind of bullies. The problem for me is they take up the spots in front of my house, which isn’t even the worst. They let their cars run, and the smell goes right into my window. That is my problem. I don’t want to seem like a “Karen” and I don’t want to complain like everyone else does. What should I do? I don’t want to feel uncomfortable when I see them, but the smells are happening at times when I’m in bed. Then they rev the engine which makes it so much worse. Thank you.

Dear EXHAUSTed Ellen,

Oh man, I feel for you. And I know your pain. It’s always challenging to address conflicts, especially when they involve the sanctity of our homes and neighborhoods. I commend you for seeking a solution that balances your needs with maintaining good relations with your neighbors. I also do not like conflict and have bitten the bullet in order to avoid it. And then at some point, I lose it, and it will come as a surprise to the other person. So, here are some gentle and strategic approaches. Hopefully, you can choose one. And if you have a friend that can energetically hold your hand, and maybe even be there at the time, that would be extremely helpful. Make sure it’s a friend that won’t PUSH or make you feel at fault.

1. Document the Issue: Keep a log of the times and duration of the car idling and engine revving. This will help you provide specific examples if needed.
2. Friendly Conversation: Sometimes, a friendly conversation can work wonders. Since your neighbors are generally cordial, consider approaching them during a calm moment. “Oh, hey, ya know…  I’ve noticed that sometimes the cars run late at night. Would it be possible to turn off the engines when they’re parked?” Then, find a way to relate that “work is tough” or whatever complaint they may have in their life, so you can connect about that.
3. Self-Care: While addressing this issue, remember to take care of yourself. Stress and lack of sleep can take a toll on your health. Use earplugs or white noise machines to mitigate the immediate impact and ensure you’re getting adequate rest.

Remember, you’re not being a “Karen” for wanting a peaceful living environment. It’s about finding a balance between asserting your rights and maintaining neighborly harmony. You have the right to a quiet and comfortable home, and addressing this issue respectfully can lead to a positive outcome for everyone involved.

Warmest wishes,

The Enchantress

If you have a question for Shane to answer, email her at love@enchantedemodiment.com