A Lot Left Unsaid

By Sean McVeigh

I’ve been writing this column for a couple of years now, and every so often I pick a topic that I think will really resonate. I’ve written about scientific advancements like AI and animal cloning, and how those things might affect our lives. I’ve tackled big, abstract ideas like gratitude and shame, and where we might be falling short in today’s world. I write about these subjects because I find them interesting. Usually, though, the response I get from those columns is … well, not much of a response at all. Message received.

But then I go and write about parking lots and — BAM — the people are fired up.

Turns out, you never know what’s going to scratch that itch until you hit the exact spot. Readers had plenty of thoughts on this “important” issue, and they were not shy about sharing them.

The best part was the variety. Often, I’ll get the same comment from multiple people. Not this time. This time, I heard hot takes from all angles. Apparently, everyone has their own well-formed opinion about parking in a lot.

For starters, I apparently left a lot unsaid. The most glaring omission? The two-space parker. You know the type. Their car is clearly more valuable than yours, and one space just won’t do. Too much risk. So they park directly in the middle of two spots to keep others away — never mind how full the lot is. In reality, this person probably just couldn’t find an illegal spot directly in front of their destination. I imagine those two types of drivers get along swimmingly.

I also failed to mention the “I’m leaving … eventually” person. You spot them getting into their car, keys in hand, and think you’ve struck gold with their prime spot. But then they take their sweet time — adjusting the seat, checking their phone, maybe balancing a checkbook. For those few seconds, they’re the most powerful person in the world. Power corrupts, as they say.

The most surprising group I heard from, though, was the anti-backer-inners. Honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if they formed a 501(c)(3) and started holding weekly support meetings. They’re a passionate crowd, not to be trifled with. Please don’t tell them this, but I suspect you could also call them the “can’t-backer-inners.”

One faction of this group seemed to focus on people still learning the art of backing in. They can’t stand being held up by someone taking 30 seconds to maneuver their way into a spot while everyone else is forced to wait. I get it — no one wants to miss a train because you’re perfecting your angles. If you’re still in training, maybe head over to Riis parking lot with a few cones and get a few more reps in before going pro. As one reader put it: there’s a “time and place.”

Another faction of the anti-backer-inners was more superficial in its criticism. They claim you can tell a lot about a person just from the fact that they back in. As a backer-inner myself, I don’t buy it. I think they’re confusing it with something I do believe in: judging people by the car they drive. It’s sort of like the square-and-rectangle thing — bear with me. All squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. Likewise, all people who drive obnoxious cars back into spots, but not all people who back into spots drive obnoxious cars.

Two columns deep, and I’m still not sure I’ve covered everything that can be said about parking lots. They really are the perfect mirror of life’s everyday chaos. And while we may disagree on the particulars, I think we can all agree on one thing: let’s hope the obnoxious car crowd is more interested in my metaphysical musings than my parking lot rants — and that they stopped reading somewhere near the beginning.