Dear Enchantress,

By Shane Kulman

My heart is heavy, and I seek your guidance through the mists of my tangled family ties. I have a sister—by blood, yes, but often I wonder where the thread of compassion unraveled between us.

When I show vulnerability, she meets me with indifference. When I share joy, she responds with silence or sarcasm. I’ve tried to understand her distance, to meet her where she is, but I often walk away feeling small, dismissed, or worse—unseen. I long for warmth and shared magic between us, but instead, it feels like walking barefoot through brambles.

I want to protect my heart without hardening it. I want to love her without shrinking myself. I want to release the fantasy of the sisterhood I wished for, while still honoring what is. How do I set loving boundaries without closing the door entirely? How do I remain rooted in compassion for myself when hers feels so absent?

Please, dear Enchantress, share your spell for navigating kinship that wounds and heals in the same breath.

With hope in my pocket and tears in my tea.

Dearest Tender Tara, 

First you are an amazing writer. Next, I want to wrap you in a velvet cloak of comfort and say: your ache is real, you are right, and your discernment is DIVINE! Family wounds are some of the deepest because they press against the tenderest parts of who we are and who we hoped to be with those we, well, call – family.  Your clarity is not only valid—it’s powerful.

Here’s what I see: you are a being of great sensitivity and magic, and your sister’s chill is not a reflection of your worth, but rather a mirror of her limits, what is she holding?  You’ve extended olive branches, heart poems, and invisible bouquets of hope—and still, she greets you with the weather of cold frigidity. It’s time to cast a circle of self-protection, not as a wall, but as a glowing perimeter of respect.

Boundaries, dear one, are love spells for the soul. You don’t have to shut the door, but you can close it partway. Here’s where magic and enchantment come in. Try these words (or spell): “I release the expectation of how our bond should feel and embrace what is true today.” With that truth, choose the level of access she gets. Maybe she doesn’t get your raw joy right now. Maybe she only gets updates, not intimacy. Can you see the difference?

Compassion for yourself is sacred. Tend to it like a glowing ember. Ask: What does my heart need to feel seen? Also ask yourself, “What is it that I need right now in this situation?” Then, give it to yourself first. Perhaps through kind community, ritual baths, laughter with chosen family. You are not meant to shrink—no spell, no soul-contract, requires your dimming.

If you do feel called to connect again, try saying gently: “When I share myself and feel unseen, it hurts. I’m giving myself more kindness lately, and I need our exchanges to feel safer.” Then wait. Her response will tell you everything, and no response is a response, consider you are looking to feel peace, and get in agreement with how she is acting, and you cannot say the “right” thing for her to change her ways.

Remember, sisterhood is chosen. Shared blood is not a guarantee of a shared soul. And the enchantress in you is already guiding your way out of the brambles and into a clearing of truth.

My magic work assignment for you is: Write her a letter you do not send. Let your soul speak without censorship. You deserve the release—and the magic that follows. Your words are powerful, and it does not matter that she does not read them. This is your work to do, and to keep the glimmer of hope that all humans have the capacity to change.

Even more than a letter, come to improv acting class, this is a great scene; you can play her or have someone else play her and get your words out of your mouth, and have them be heard, and see the impact of your heart.

Love, Shane

To ask Enchantress Shane a question, or to have your free curiosity call with her, email her at love@enchantedembodiment.com