The Slim Fit Syndicate

Have you noticed that clothing seems to run small these days? I have. Whenever I order anything — shirts, pants, sweaters, it doesn’t matter — I’m going a size up. (Does that just mean the “size up” is actually my size? You bet it does. But just let me live my lie.)

To make matters even worse, the material they make clothes out of nowadays seems designed to be worn exactly once. If you buy an XL T-shirt and it fits like a glove (in a good way), once you wash it, it’ll most likely come out fitting like a medium.

And I don’t think it’s me. I know all the anti-shrinking tricks in the book. I’ve learned to avoid the dreaded dryer, and I know to wash my clothes with cold water. Yet I still fall victim to the “one and done” all the time. The curse of cleaning, as I like to call it. If there’s something I really like, I’ll avoid getting it dirty at all costs, because once I have to wash it, there’s a good chance I’ll never get to wear it again.

You smell that? That’s probably me and my favorite sweater.

I think all of this stems from the “slim fit” trend that seemed to usurp the clothing industry about a decade ago.

Who decided slim fit was the way of the future? I’ll tell you who: some skinny, selfish monster. That’s who.

Now, I’m not saying everyone needs to walk around dressed in baggy clothes all the time. Too big can be a tough look in its own way. I just honestly believe a little breathing room in your attire can go a long way.

The problem is that when slim fit is worn by someone who is not exactly “slim,” they tend to look preposterous. But sometimes it isn’t even their fault. Sometimes it’s the only option. That is the real crime.

There is hope, though. I do feel like the tide may be starting to turn. Lately, when I’ve been shopping, I’ve noticed a slight trend toward more normal-sized clothing.” Or should I say, clothes for normal-sized people.

Even just looking around in the real world, I’m noticing fewer skinny jeans, and guys’ suit jackets no longer look like they’re about to burst at the seams. Is it possible people are finally coming to their senses? Or maybe they just bought a mirror.

But just as things seem to be drifting in a more (body) positive direction, a new adversary to the big-and-tall coalition has emerged. The rise of Ozempic and other GLP-1s may spell the end of XXL altogether. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m the last fat guy standing in a few years (or sitting, if we’re being honest).

They might have to invent something even smaller than slim fit as the fat guys get skinny and the skinny guys waste away to nothing. They could call it a gaunt garb or skeletal cut … I don’t know, that’s what the marketing folks are for.

Regardless, I will stand my ground. And I hope the other big men of the world will stand with me.

If we stand together, no one will be able to move us … literally.

Big men of the world, unite! Down with the slim-fit syndicate!