Wants More Than Fine

By Shane Kulman

Dear Enchantress, 

I’m in a good relationship — it’s steady, loving, and overall, we’re happy. I’ve done a lot of personal growth workshops, retreats, and practices over the years, but my husband hasn’t. He’s open to doing things together at home, but somehow there never seems to be the right time. I want to deepen our intimacy in a way that feels authentic and natural, but I keep worrying about doing it wrong or making it awkward. How do I bring more depth and connection without forcing it? Also, I don’t want to do it wrong, my husband is a good guy, but I’m afraid he will ask me “did you see this on TikTok?” If I ask a question or try to do something or ask something that is new or refreshing. Help!?

Dear Wants More Than Fine Wanda, 

First, I must sprinkle a little glitter on your opening line. A good relationship is a delicious starting point — and I can already tell you’re not writing because things are crumbling, but because you have the rare, wise impulse to take something healthy and make it even more vibrant. That’s like having a perfectly good garden and deciding you’d like to add moonflowers that bloom at night.

You’ve done the workshops. You’ve read the books. You’ve probably journaled by candlelight with a mug of tea and your most revealing pen. Meanwhile, your husband has not been on the same personal growth merry-go-round — but the beautiful part? He’s open. That’s gold.

Now, about that pesky villain called “the right time.” I’m sorry to say this, but she’s a fraud. She whispers that intimacy can only bloom when the dishes are done, the kids are quiet, and the moon is in the correct house of Venus. The truth is: intimacy thrives in stolen moments, the kind that show up uninvited and un-ironed. While waiting for the kettle to boil. In the five minutes before bed. While the laundry spins.

Here’s the Enchantress’s secret: The only wrong way is not trying at all. If something feels awkward, name it and laugh. Approaching it with total play, and maybe even bringing up TikTok to begin with, will put you at ease. You’ll be surprised how quickly naming the awkwardness turns it into tenderness. Imagine saying, “Okay, this might feel a little TikTok-y, but I wanted to try it with you.” You’ve disarmed the suspicion before it even forms. Humor is the ultimate intimacy lubricant.

These are small, quick, and TikTok-proof:

1. The Five-Second Hand Rest – While walking past him, place your hand on his chest, look him in the eyes, and breathe once together. No explanation needed.
2. The Dinner Question Swap– Ask, “What’s one thing that made you smile today?” Keep it simple and don’t over-analyze.
3. The Compliment Bomb– Drop one unexpected compliment in his lap. (“The way you do [mundane thing] makes me feel so taken care of.”)

If he teases, smile and say, “Nope, this one’s all me.” Even if the seed was planted by a video or a workshop, you are the gardener bringing it to him in your unique way (cute right?!) REMEMBER: Playful energy is the state of being,

Stop waiting for perfect. Let intimacy be messy, quick, playful, and real. You’re not auditioning for a role called “Deeply Connected Wife.” You’re simply weaving tiny threads of attention, curiosity, and affection into the everyday fabric of your marriage. Over time, those threads will become a tapestry richer than anything TikTok could script.

With sparkle and sincerity and having it go better than you can imagine,

The Enchantress

If you are seeking more intimacy in your relationship and have a question for Shane or would like to work with her, email her at love@enchantedembodiment.com