Romance, Flowers and Fraud
By Dan Guarino
Love may in the air on Valentine’s Day, but romance scams are fleecing billions from unsuspecting victims all year around.
The Federal Trade Commission reports romance scams, a fast-growing criminal enterprise, cost U.S. victims $1.4 billion as of 2023. A survey by anti-virus/malware company Malwarebytes found 10% of respondents lost $10,000 or more. Three percent lost $100,000 or more. Besides money losses, savings and broken bank accounts, they leave behind damaged marriages, lives, trust, family tensions, guilt and victim shame.
Romance scams fall under a category called “imposter scams.” Their scammers pretend to be from government agencies, charities, tech support services, contests/special offers, or even relatives or people you know. Through phone calls, texts, email or social media, their aim is to get you to send money, give over your bank information, or infiltrate your accounts or computer system to get sensitive information for identity theft.
These cons want to panic victims with phony threats of account shutdowns, imminent legal trouble, or reports of young relatives in trouble needing immediate funds. However, a romance scams’ goal is to reel victims in slowly with familiarity, flirting, and sweet talk.
“Catfishing” is where criminals use fake information and images to create false online identities. Many residents report frequently getting messages, supposedly from attractive looking women or men, often boasting high profile occupations and overseas locations. Messages like “You seem very interesting,” “I tried sending you a friend request but it wouldn’t go through,” “Your name keeps popping up on my friend suggestion list,” or “Please reply to me so we can connect,” are designed to arouse potential targets’ interest.
Using social media, dating apps and other outlets, scammers carefully develop a relationship with their target to eventually defraud them out of money and personal information.
One woman sharing her story for this article confirmed the charade could be pretty elaborate. She says a few years ago she “was chatting with a guy I met on a dating website. He was handsome and we started chatting. He said he was in Moscow, Russia, but somehow, we matched. We quickly clicked and bonded.”
Her “Russian” friend, who claimed to be a lawyer, soon suggested they move their chat away from the dating site and onto Whatsapp. His technique, she said later, was to lead her in by “sharing personal stories with me, about his family, how he grew up, how he treasured his father. He even sent me photos of himself.” His communications also became more affectionate and seemingly loving.
Eventually, he shared that his uncle in Chicago taught him how to do bitcoin and that he was living off that. Of course, he said, he would love to show her how to do it, so they could celebrate when he came to the States. “You just have to give me your bank wire number, so I can sort that out,” he texted.
However, when she had trouble getting the number and told him she would need to call her bank, he became angry. She stated, “He said, ‘I can’t believe you don’t trust me! You’re doubting me?’,” and so on. “Well, let me access your bank account,” he messaged.
That’s when she slammed on the brakes. Then, when she and a friend began to backtrack, her suitor’s details began to fall apart. For instance, on examination, his photos didn’t match each other.
Aside from some written random words, he used no Russian phrases. And his geolocation did not put him either in Moscow or Chicago, but in Bangladesh.
In hindsight, she said, “there were a lot of red flags,” but she considers herself lucky. She knows friends who lost money and dealt with great emotional turmoil through similar scams.
Besides luring in victims with investment scams, romance scammers may also request money or gift cards to visit or settle business affairs. Or request private information or explicit photos, to use to blackmail the victim through what is called “sextortion.”
One local woman related how scams wreaked havoc with the life she had built with her husband over nearly 30 years, even after surviving financial setbacks, his major medical issues and Hurricane Sandy.
She says, in 2015, her husband “met a woman online in a singing karaoke app.” Within a short time, things began to change. “He was always a good man, good husband and father. He became moody and bitter. We had our bank accounts seized because he didn’t pay back on a loan that was due each month. The payments were only $50.” Money coming in was not going into their accounts.
Eventually confronting him, he finally admitted he was having an affair and would be leaving. An even bigger surprise awaited when she found out the online “other woman” was a real person.
A background check revealed she had been married four times and had multiple aliases. “She has a lot of different photos and does quite a bit of editing.”
Even after a “contentious divorce, I tried to save him. But she’s very good at what she does. He is now her fifth husband and they live in Ohio,” she says, as she raises their children alone and still struggles to untangle their joint finances, including his 401k and pension.
There are several tips to avoid romance scams. One, be careful what you share online. Scammers use social media/dating sites info to lure you in.
Only seeing just a few too perfect images or distant residence locations? Probably a red flag.
Don’t rush. Go slowly, ask questions. Be suspicious about requests to move communications to different sites, or for inappropriate photos or private/financial information, which can used to extort you, or involvement in investment schemes or money transactions. Never send money to someone you have only communicated with by phone or online.
Finally, beware if the person always has a reason why they can’t travel or meet in person. “If you haven’t met the person after a few months,” the FBI says you have good reason to be suspicious.”
True, finding love is grand. Just be careful where you look for it.
Photo by Dan Guarino
