Get a Grip

 Get a Grip

By Sean McVeigh

I’m a little nervous. I really don’t want to offend too many people, but as I begin to write this, I just can’t see how that’s possible. There are simply too many people worthy of being offended who happened to cross my path this past week. Maybe it’s just me. As Raylan Givens said on “Justified”: “If you run into an a-hole in the morning, you ran into an a-hole. If you run into a-holes all day, you’re the a-hole.”

I don’t usually disagree with Raylan, but I just can’t convince myself that I’m the a**hole here!

Let’s start with the big news: did you hear the Holy Father, Pope Leo XIV, was in town? If you didn’t, that probably means you don’t get your news exclusively from Facebook. Of course, Pope Leo wasn’t actually at St. Francis de Sales! What they did have was a (apparently uncanny) cardboard cutout of the first American pontiff. The local priests, having a bit of fun, posted it on Facebook, claiming he’d be present for Mass over the past weekend and available for pictures.

Some folks didn’t find the joke so funny. They actually believed the Pope was at St. Francis. Since 2000, the Pope has only visited the United States twice. The last time was in 2015, when Pope Francis’ visit included an address to a joint session of Congress and a visit to the United Nations. Sure, maybe he flew over Rockaway on his way into JFK — maybe he even looked out the window and thought, “Hey, that little spit of land looks delightful.” But I think that is as close as we are going to get.

Pope Leo is also, now famously, a native of Chicago. So, maybe — just maybe — he’d choose the Windy City over Rockaway for his first visit? And even if he did decide to drop by our humble little community, don’t you think it would’ve gotten slightly more publicity? A Bono impersonator got more coverage than this supposed papal drop-in. While I do think Rockaway is a special place, let’s be honest — we’re not that special. As much as some might like to believe otherwise, we are not the chosen people. Apparently, the rumors got so out of hand that someone from the diocese even called St. Francis to ask what was going on.

But Rockaway is not alone. Naiveté is alive and well in all corners of the world.

With a gloomy forecast for the weekend, my wife and I decided on a whim to grab tickets to a Broadway matinee. We saw “The Great Gatsby” — and, side note, we both thought it was excellent. The novel was published 100 years ago, in 1925, and has been a staple of academic reading ever since. It seems like everyone has read it. And if they haven’t, a movie version came out in 2013.

Now, before this weekend, I would never have thought this was necessary — but I feel obligated to say: Spoiler alert ahead!

As the story reaches its climax, Daisy Buchanan hits Myrtle Wilson — her husband’s mistress — with her car, killing her. Myrtle’s husband, George, mistakenly believing Gatsby was driving, goes to Gatsby’s home and shoots him dead.

Maybe those scenes didn’t come back to you immediately. Maybe you needed that refresher to jog your memory from when you last read the classic in your junior year of high school. But I’d bet for most of you, the plot came rushing back. That was not the case for the couple hundred people sharing the Saturday matinee with us.

People were shocked! There were actual, blood-curdling screams when Myrtle was hit. And when Gatsby was shot beside his pool, you wouldn’t believe the gasps and yelps that erupted from the crowd. As Gatsby’s body tumbled into his own “pool” (the orchestra pit), the girl behind me — who, before the show, had been confidently listing all the shows she’d seen and giving off vibes of being very well-read — put the cherry on top by loudly whispering: “What the ****?”

As the audience sat there stunned, all my wife and I could do was look at each other and laugh.

“Get a grip!” was one of my mother’s go-to phrases growing up whenever her perfect, angelic children were being less than reasonable. So, if I could, I’d like to speak directly to anyone who sees themselves in this column — whether you’re embarrassed that you thought Pope Leo came to town, or you saw “Titanic” this weekend and still can’t get over the twist ending — please, do us all a favor and: Get. A. Grip.

I’d love to ask Raylan Givens: is it possible to be an a-hole … and still run into a-holes all day?

Rockaway Stuff

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