Love Thy Neighbor

By Sean McVeigh
It has been bone-chillingly cold the past few weeks. It is not the temperature that has been killing us though — temperatures in the 20s and 30s are cold but very bearable and to be expected this time of year — it is the wind that has been kicking our asses. On days when those northern gusts hit you square in the nose, the real feels have been dipping into the negatives. All this cold weather, with its relentless winds and bitter chill, is making these discussions about Canada becoming the 51st state less and less persuasive. At a minimum, this is a conversation we should be having in the summer.
It’s hard to believe that we are even talking about this, but here we are. So, what the heck, let’s discuss. My biggest gripe here is that the whole thing is unnecessary. Anything good that Canada produces already finds its way to the United States. In fact, it is a little shocking how many actors, musicians, and comedians that we consider our own are actually Canadians. Go ahead, Google it. The search “Famous Canadians” gives you a great big list of people who, I assumed, were Americans — most of whom presumably do live here now. Ryan Reynolds, Pamela Anderson, and Jim Carrey all hail from the Great White North, just to give a few random examples.
The United States and Canada have long been intertwined as neighbors, but they have not always gone about things the same way. When the 13 colonies got together and decided to rebel against the British Empire, there were also colonies in Canada. The Continental Congress made several overtures to these colonies to join them in their historic endeavor, but the Canadian colonies declined. They were — and presumably still are — satisfied with the king. (To this day, the King of England is still technically the Head of State in Canada. One of King Charles’ titles is “Sovereign of Canada.”) As a result, before, during, and after the war, many loyalists throughout the American colonies made their way up north to Canada, while pick-up truck-loving, cheeseburger-eating rebels stayed in what is now the United States. This interaction sums up the two countries quite nicely. America is the land of “don’t tread on me” and Canada is the land of “sorry, eh.”
This little social science experiment was tested again almost exactly two hundred years later. In the 1970s, both Canada and the United States — two holdouts still using a different unit of measurement from the rest of the world — passed laws establishing the metric system as their nation’s primary system of measurement. Have you been to Canada recently? Those changes seem to have taken hold pretty well. In contrast, I don’t think you could find many speed limit signs posted in kilometers per hour in the U.S. I bet a good portion of Americans have never even heard of the metric system (which is not necessarily a good thing, but that is a conversation for a different day). The country founded by folks who didn’t want any part of a revolution for liberty and self-governance went right along with their new measurement system. The country, founded by folks who didn’t like a tax so much they dressed up like Indians and threw some British tea in Boston Harbor, said, “Screw you!” when they were told to start using the flip side of the ruler.
Finally, to be fair to Canada, this might not be a fight we want to pick. The United States has twice tried to invade our northern neighbor. During the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812, the U.S. Army attacked Canada. On both occasions, the United States was repelled. Obviously, a few things have changed since 1812 and I don’t think it would be much of a fight. But still, 2-0 is a pretty good record against the most powerful country in the world. Or should the U.S. plan a new military operation and name it “Third Time’s the Charm”?
After the “51st state” talk gained a little steam, it was pretty comical to hear Canadians defending themselves as a great independent nation. What makes Canada so great, you ask? Well, it’s great because it is not America. The entire nation’s identity seems to be boiled down to that fact. And, frankly, that is fine with me. Let’s keep it that way. The Yankees will keep beating the Blue Jays, the NHL will continue its multi-decade streak of keeping Lord Stanley’s Cup here in the United States, and Canadian teenagers trying to find “themselves” while backpacking in Europe can continue starting every conversation with, “No, no we’re not Americans, we’re Canadians.”
Obviously, this is all in jest. In no world should we even be talking about acquiring by force, or otherwise, one of our closest geopolitical allies who has fought side by side with us in almost every modern military operation and is our second-largest trading partner. Canada is a great country with some beautiful and fun cities that I have only had the pleasure of visiting once but hope to visit many more times. Somewhere way down the line, if the great people of Canada decide that they want to be part of the United States through a democratic process, then we can have a more serious conversation. As for now, let’s treat unserious conversations with unserious columns. At least it’s more fun this way.