The Kooks Are Out There

By Sean McVeigh

Let me begin with a statement I never thought I would have to write: There is no serial killer in Rockaway.

The Rockaway Times posted on Facebook about yet another body that was found. This time, in Jamaica Bay near the bridge leading into Howard Beach. This is the fourth dead body that has been discovered on the shore or in the water on the Rockaway peninsula or, in this case, in close proximity to it, since November. Is this a very strange and tragic coincidence or is there something more sinister afoot right here in our midst? Obviously, the former is true. But if you scrolled through some of the comments on the Rockaway Times’ Facebook page, you might be led to believe that there is more to this story. “Do we have a serial killer on the loose dumping headless bodies in Jamaica Bay?” said one woman. “It seems like the police do not want bad publicity about the area,” replied another. And finally, said several times, in multiple forms, “Sounds like we have a serial killer on the loose.”

How can we be so naive? It’s all right in front of our faces. Open your damn eyes! “There are no coincidences” is Conspiracy Theory 101. Occam’s Razor suggests that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. These conspiracy theorists believe Occam’s Razor will send you a new five blade every month for a dollar. There is not always going to be a nefarious “bad guy,” which every good conspiracy theorist wants to exist, as an explanation. Is there any evidence to justify these claims? Of course not. That’s no problem; you see — no evidence is evidence!

This epidemic is only getting worse. Social media — the scourge of our generation, as I’ve mentioned before — creates an echo chamber for these quacks. They’re able to feed off one another, digging that hole of jackassery deeper and deeper until they can no longer even feel the warmth of the sun. Technology has removed many barriers for people. The doors opened are countless. Unfortunately, access to some very nonsensical ideas is one, too.

A good conspiracy theorist knows how to cover themself. Scattered throughout their bogus B.S. will be a few things that are, in fact, true. “See! I told you! If that is true, then it all must be!” Even a broken clock is right twice a day. This is just coverage for the rest of that baloney spewing from your pie hole.

This is not a new phenomenon. For all of human history, there have been those who felt an invisible hand was at work. Try to convince them otherwise and you are just part of the problem. Another sheep in the herd with their head buried in the ground.

I understand that some of our most important institutions have not earned our trust over the past few years. And I also understand that questioning authority is not only justified, it’s necessary. The problem arises when we have that distrust, we ask those questions, and we finally get the answer, but it just happens to not be the answer we want. That’s when we hear the pathetic cries of conspiracy.

I invite these people to come out into the real world. Get off Twitter and get a grip. No, there is not a serial killer on the loose. Although, you know who would really want that said? The serial killer…