Mindful Mom

Dear
Enchantress,

My 15-year-old daughter was playing around with a female friend at a party, consensually slapping and grabbing each other’s butts. Then a male friend grabbed her butt without consent. She didn’t know what to say or do and just stayed away from him. Her girlfriend saw and asked if she was OK. When her boyfriend showed up, she told him. The boyfriend told the guy that is not OK, and he was apologetic to the boyfriend. When Sophia later texted the guy asking about it, he said he was really sorry and asked if she would forgive him. She says she will not forgive him, and she has a different definition than I do about forgiveness. She says she accepts that it happened and knows she can’t change it. And doesn’t want to be friends with him anymore. That seems appropriate, and I wonder if I should be reaching for more accountability, amends, or consequences. This is a very new situation for me, and I would like your opinion on the best way to support her please. Thank you.

Dear Mindful Mom,

Congratulations on having a wonderful relationship with your daughter. It sounds like she feels safe to come to you as a sounding board. Brava!

What really works here is that you are respecting how she is going about herself relating to the butt slapping boy after the fact, even though it’s different than you would have done. Your patience with yourself, because it’s a new experience, is also impressive.

To answer your question about supporting her, I would suggest it should be all in questions, so managing your energy before approaching this is key. And I’ll remind you that humans are always changing our minds.

So, while it’s still alive, ask her if it’s OK if you check in with her on it occasionally. And then when you do, keep it simple and ask if she wants to share anything on it. This is a great opportunity to continue learning about how she thinks and approaches relating. The impact of this event will change over time, and the impact of her choices will impact her, and all the peers involved.

So, when you loosely check in, you’re showing her how to notice how choices create impact. Great work!

If you have a question for Enchantress Shane to answer, email her at support@enchantedembodiment.com