The Procrastinator

By Sean McVeigh

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. Well, here goes… I am a procrastinator. I’d say it’s one of my defining features. Most people would read that as a negative. They are probably right. I, however, would disagree. I look at it more as an artform. A skill that I have refined to perfection so much so that very few can do it the way I do. As Aaron Judge hits a baseball and Aaron Rodgers throws a football, so do I put things off until the last minute. It’s almost a game for me at this point. How close can I get to a deadline before I actually do the task at hand? But it is also more than that. It’s my way of life now. And if there was a way to start being better about it, well, I would just put that off, too. As Mark Twain said, “Do not put off until tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well.”

I may procrastinate but I do not discriminate in my procrastination. I am an equal opportunity procrastinator. It doesn’t matter if it’s a simple household chore or something that could have real world ramifications. It could be writing this article or getting my expiring driver’s license renewed (which reminds me…), I will wait until last minute to get it done. I always tell myself that this is the last time. Just get it done early and you won’t have to worry about it. You’re making an issue out of something that does not need to be one. You will make your life easier! But no, I’m not going to take the easy way out. Where would the fun be in that?

I am having trouble finding an appropriate antonym for procrastination. Although it does not appear to be in the dictionary, it seems the accepted term is “pre-crastination,” so let’s use that. I know my fair share of pre-crastinators. Aren’t they the worst rubbing it in your face all the time? Always getting everything done so early. Ugh, makes me sick! These showoffs will not rest a moment until the task at hand is completed. Sometimes, I find that these folks have a difficult time understanding what it means to relax. The look of distain that I get from the pre-castinator crowd in my life is second only to the look I get from my overflowing laundry basket daily.

My philosophy is if it doesn’t have to be done right this second, then why would I waste my time doing it right now? Now, I have no idea if this is true, so I hope his fanatics don’t attack me if I am mistaken, but it seems like Mark Twain might have been almost as bad as I am in this area. Again, I will go to him to put it better than I ever could: “Let us save tomorrows for work.” I know it drives some people crazy, but I do my best work when I’m under the gun. When the pressure is on, I am able to bust out what needs doing and, I think, do it well. Being a procrastinator does not mean being lazy. It just means I enjoy spending my time on other things. I suppose there is a middle ground. A sweet spot where every single task does not need to be done at the moment it is presented to you and, conversely, where you do not wait until 11:59 p.m. for your midnight deadline. Maybe I will look into it another time.

For now, all I know for sure is that I am The Procrastinator and… I’ll be back.