Confidence Boosters

By Shane Kulman

Dear Enchantress,

I’ve never been confident, as far back as I can remember. I always dreamed of fitting in. Even when I was little, I didn’t have a “core group” of friends that I hear others speak of. We moved around a lot as a kid, and I always remember watching other kids from afar. I didn’t go to a ton of birthday parties, unless it was a kid whose parents made them invite the whole class. Now I work at a company, and they do all these social events, and I’m invited. I mean everyone is, and when I go, I get so stuck, fumbling and bumbling and stuttering. No one probably notices, or maybe they do, but I’m so sick of myself, what can I do?
Thanks, Sick Sally

Dear Sick Sally, 

It’s so wonderful of you to reach out on this topic. Many clients have this experience and for many reasons. And I congratulate you on your self-awareness. I have five tips for you that are practical, and you can use daily. What I want you to know, and it seems that you already do know, is this is a practice, and in any practice, it doesn’t start out perfect, until you keep at it, so do these things every day.

Number One: Practice positive self-talk. Instead of focusing on negativity, and what does NOT work, replace that with positivity. This means as you notice your thoughts getting all riled up, CHANGE that to something like: “I wonder what tonight will be like, wouldn’t it be cool if I had a good time?!” This will help to boost your confidence and make you feel more positive about yourself.

Number Two: Straight up believe in yourself. Your self-confidence starts from believing in your own abilities and letting yourself be curious.  If you think you know you’ll be terrible, well you will be.  

Number Three: Take actual care of yourself. Eat well, get good, deep rest, and move your body; these things matter. 

Number Four: Celebrate your successes. Acknowledge your successes, no matter how small they are. This can help to boost your confidence and make you see yourself with a fresh new filter. 

Number Five: Stand tall. Have good posture. Practice this and notice others. Slouching looks sloppy, hunching your shoulders can make you look and feel anxious and contracted, and you actually are contracted, so that lifeless look is always a bummer to be around. 

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