Always A Bright Side

Boyleing Points
Typography

Memorial Day weekend was like mid-summer. There was no easing into the season, no dress rehearsal. Ferries overflowed, stores ran out of ice, and lines formed at some places like they were handing out hundred dollar bills. The Propane King was like an overworked EMT, saving barbecues everywhere.

It helps us feel better when we tell DFDs to pick up their garbage, to respect others’ space on the beach (easy on the loud radios!) and to drive safely and park legally. We write columns and letters to the editor. We go on Facebook and Twitter and decry the behaviors of the bad DFD.

It doesn’t do any good. But who cares, it makes us feel better. Some noxious, noisome nincompoops storm the beach and we’re left to wonder if some weird mutations were developed on the mainland. I’m still a bit traumatized from some bathing suits I saw. Well, not the suits but …well, you get the idea. And then there was a couple making out on the boardwalk in broad daylight. Did I mention they were pushing 70 years old?

There are so many things that make you say, dude….wtf? Will you get a clue? The litterers are legion. But come on, you think they’ll read a column or a Facebook post and all of sudden have an epiphany? They’re more likely to throw the newspaper out the window than read it. Imagine a gross, uncaring cretin reading something about how people shouldn’t litter and says to himself, that’s a great point. I’m not gonna do that anymore. Yeah, I can’t imagine that either.

People who don’t pick up after their dogs are not gonna get in line because someone wrote something? Nah, they’ll just move to another block. An outraged homeowner is currently reviewing 16 hours of home video surveillance tape so he can publicly shame the guy who let his dog (or horse) use his lawn. Get him, Marty—though it won’t do any good.

Look, I don’t know why people put their blankets so close to yours. I don’t know why people park near my car when I put it all the way over there, all by itself. I don’t know why some surfers have to make Beach 88th Street look like a rush hour subway car. Dudes, there’s a whole ocean.

There’s no hope, of course. Some people are uneducable. But the bright side is, they give us something to talk about. The weekend beach stories are kinda like subway stories from the 1970s. Everybody’s got one.

But hey, I don’t want to be a dark cloud on a summer day. There’s an even brighter side. As of now, there are no plans for a Rockaway Floatopia.

Ocean Park, a stretch along the Chesapeake Bay, was host to Floatopia, a shoreline event at which people bring basically anything that will float and then party on. Well, it made national news this week because visitors left more than footprints. More than 20,000 pounds of trash was left behind. USA Today said, by comparison, Pensacola beaches had 18,000 pounds in all of 2018. Yikes. 

So, look at the bright side, our DFDs are better than theirs. 

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